Redeemed Regret – Macon Georgia

Ecclesia and the Three Sons of Noah - medieval...

Ecclesia and the Three Sons of Noah – medieval stained glass detail, Canterbury Cathedral (Photo credit: chrisjohnbeckett)

It was a cold night, and I was running through a neighborhood I feared to walk in during the day. The sun was coming up as I reached the main drag. I was almost home. Just a few more miles to go.

When I reached my toasty–warm one–room apartment, I found it as I had left it so many weeks before. The boarder she asked me to house had left it in pretty good shape. Better than I deserved. She, though, did not leave me in very good shape. I collapsed on my bed.

I was bought and sold as you would a loaf of bread, maybe half a loaf, when all was said and done. We met by arrangement of our mutual friends at the time. They had thoughts of what each of us wanted and saw a match worth making. It took a few strikes of that match to ignite a spark.

I thought one thing and she thought another. I was headed toward the idea of marriage and she was headed toward her former lover. However, her way lay through me. I was trapped by an unrealizable idea that she had no intention of bringing to fruition. She got what she wanted. I should have known better. I was so infatuated with the romance of Hollywood that I ignored the warning signs of disaffection and entrapment.

The prophets say, “More bitter than death: the woman whose heart is snares and nets, and whose hands are fetters. He who pleases God escapes her…” Well, that escape wasn’t my doing. Not long afterward, I was captured by the Sovereign One, who, alone, was deserving of my utmost allegiance. He drew me as surely as a parent draws their child to what is good. I was now free indeed.

There, in new surroundings with much to learn and unlearn, I was barely coping with all the changes I needed to make. I was juggling responsibilities that I had so long neglected. Folks were having their doubts about whether I was having doubts. Things were taken away as well as given. I was experiencing the Ecclesia firsthand. Having searched for a new place to lay my head, I found myself in the company of a diverse and chastening crowd.

My time was up so soon. I had gained my employment from one and ceded my bedroom to another. I needed to find a new residence quickly. That’s when I fell into a trap again. Not of the same kind, thankfully, but entrapped nevertheless. I should have seen the warning signs. I should have fled my obligations (but I wouldn’t on principle). Only Mercy rescued me once more.

In the midst of the turmoil and strife, I did not notice a rare opportunity escape overseas. I was too bound by my unsophistication and numbed by the rapid–fire changes in my life. I was dislocated from a proper response. In a parking lot, on another cold night, I bid farewell to someone I should have known better.

I imagine her happily married and blessed with children, prosperous and satisfied with her life. A better path than I could have given. I must tread alone toward our mutual upward goal. For I have no doubts about her.